In June, I began a journey process - a three-month sabbatical. I had been longing for a purposeful pause and have planned for this time since February 2022. After 18 years of running my business and the intensity of work during the pandemic, it was time to pause. I have stopped doing so I can BE. I am following the flow of my own desires. In doing so, I realize that I am creatively unraveling – on so many levels. This is a time to find my way and renew my energy, insight and purpose.
Unraveling: to disengage or separate the threads of : disentangle. b. : to cause to come apart by or as if by separating the threads of. 2. : to resolve theintricacy, complexity, or obscurity of : clear up. Source: Miriam-Webster Dictionary
Unraveling expectations of what is productive and the oppressive constraints of a schedule.
Unraveling years worth of body trauma’s that I have ignored and have been causing me great pain.
Unraveling perceptions of what I think my role should be instead of listening to the call of my spirit.
I’m still unraveling and am being fully present to what is emerging by doing so.
Several experiences have supported the unraveling – loosening the threads so I can disentangle them and see them more clearly.
A wise guide encouraged me to not have an agenda or expectations for this time. Rather, to open myself to what it would reveal for me. I have taken that to heart and it’s keeping me in the flow of this time. I am savouring the slowness and simplicity of the days. I’m letting dreams come to me and simply noticing the emergent without acting on things too quickly. I’m noticing what gives me energy and what does not. I’m tapping into the world channel and paying attention to the issues that call my heart and where I think I can serve. And I’m staying curious and open – I know more is to be revealed. It’s a slow, marinating process.
The greatest gift of this sabbatical time has been the freedom of space in my own calendar. Seeing blank days that I get to fill with possibility. Nia dancing in nature. Leisurely forest walks with Piper. Self care appointments to tend to health and wellbeing. Exercise to start my days. Reading – anytime I want and not falling asleep because I’m so exhausted. Spending time with Peter in preparation for our daughter’s wedding. Discovering new music that calls to my spirit. Spending time alone just being.
There has been some structure to the journey thus far. It launched with my 60th birthday which is celebrated with JOY and intention with my family. Then I was in Europe for a month – the longest I had ever been away at one time. I did a pilgrimage in Chartres, France where I attended a retreat called Holding Space for the Sacred hosted by Lauren Artress and Judith Tripp. Lauren is the pioneer of the modern labyrinth movement and the founder of Veriditas, an organization dedicated to help promote the power of labyrinths – for healing, spiritual and meditation practices. I am still integrating all that I experienced during this pilgrimage experience.
“What is a labyrinth? It is a path of prayer, a walking meditation that can become a mirror of the soul…the path has become a metaphor for our own spiritual journey. A labyrinth is not a maze. A maze is designed for you to lose your way. A labyrinth is designed for you to find your way.”
Jill Kimberly Hartwell Geoffrion, Praying the Labyrinth
Walking a labyrinth always provides me with new perspective; a new way forward. It’s a slow-moving meditative walk. Labyrinths hold space – a sacred circle and a safe container for inquiry and reflection. It is a journey pathway. Walking the labyrinth in Chartres Cathedral was a significant catalyst that propelled this time of unravelling for me.
After Chartres, I went on a three-day retreat lead by a friend and exceptional coach Cecile Randoing. She created a customized nature informed retreat for me in Aix les Bain where she lives. It is in the glorious French Alps. I spent time in the forest, the mountains, and the lake and did a journey process to explore the patterns that live in my life. It culminated in me writing the story of my life and revealed so much insight. The facts of my life are well known to me, but this process brought me huge insights about my life story. I realized how much I have grown from grief. I realize how I have stopped patterns of addiction and relationship disconnection that lives in my family history. I have some new insights on how I contribute to healing in relationships and systems – still exploring what this means in its fullness but an interesting new awareness. I can see clearly where I lost myself along the way, especially when I focused on being in service of others. I can see how important it is for me to reset myself for a purposeful next life stage as crone, claiming eldership in a spirit informed way.
After these two retreat experiences, I then spent time in Ireland with Sweet Pete, travelling to explore the Emerald Isle that is part of my family roots. The Cassidy’s (my mom’s side of the family) are from the Donegal and Inver area. I was called to set my feet on this land and connect with the DNA strands that connect me to it. We explored by hiking mountains, driving curving roads, on the ocean, walking beaches. I most loved the ruins of old castles and monasteries. I loved the megalithic sacred grounds of standing stones, circles, and cairns. I loved the wide-open spaces where wind and waves were our only companions. I delighted in our animal friends – sheep, cows, horses and even lamas – that we interacted with along the way. This time with Peter was so special – a relaxed and fun way to celebration our life together. Having just celebrated our 35th anniversary, it was a way of gifting ourselves with time to adventure together and lay down new stories of our life together.
Since my return home, I have savoured helping our daughter and her partner as they prepare for their wedding. A highlight has been participating in building a labyrinth that will be part of their wedding ceremony on a community farm they are members of. Participating in a project that is dedicated to their love and intentional partnership in a community of people who care for them was so meaningful. Part of the readiness was to gather tree branches in a forested area. Doing this with Peter on a weekday morning was another example of the ease that lives in the gift of time. It was unhurried and done in a meandering way on a gorgeous summer day.
I have the great joy of being part of a Sacred Circle that is held by First Nation Elder Standing Strong, (Cindy Crowe). This weekly practice of coming together, sharing our stories of what is true for us, being witnessed and supported has also been a gift. I will end my sabbatical time at a retreat on the land that Cindy stewards near Thunder Bay. It will be an opportunity to meet in person many who are in the circle. These will be precious and significant days.
As I write today, I am sitting overlooking my beloved Lake Huron. I am alone for a few days of retreat. More unraveling as I connect with the rhythm of the lake through the water’s movement, watching clouds, listening to birds, and if lucky, witnessing the spectacular sunsets that are legendary here. Nature connection is not a new practice for me and yet I feel myself sinking into in a new way. As I still myself, nature can reach deeper into my spirit and invite me to pay attention in new ways.
“The soul speaks most clearly through longing.”
Sue Monk Kidd, The Book of Longings
My journey is not over. More of the web of life is to be revealed. I will keep the threads loose so I can explore them individually and collectively. I’m paying attention to the longings that will inform my future. I will continue hold space for the emerging possibilities that are being born during this time. I am still a work in progress. Here’s the emergant JOY and new horizons ahead.