This morning I awoke early and sat quiet by candle light gazing at the snowy expanse beyond my window. As I sat, the following “voices” of snow emerged. This is such a sweet reminder for me that one simple element can mean so many different things to so many different people. Taking time to explore perspectives through the eyes of self and others is such a powerful and exquisitely simple act. It is also a well honed art of those who are especially skilled in healthy social and relationship dynamics.

Snow…

Clean, fresh, crisp and beautiful

It’s floating decent causes us to pause and slow down

It is a unifying event creating mythical tales we remember for years

It creates intimate moments of magic and mystery

Each flake is completely unique – a reminder to cherish our diversity and special gifts

It can be cold and bracing – grabbing our attention, waking us up and calling us to be present

It emerges our inner child and playful spirits as we launch ourselves down hills and carve snow angels with our bodies

We become architects and builders of snowmen and forts as we sculpt and pile it

Foot prints revealed and pathways emerge showing the intention of our journeys

It’s a symbol of abundance that can easily disappear

Snow can blind us or cast a gentle veil influencing how we see the world in any given moment

Blessings to snow and the gift of its many voices

We humans are facing a new disorder. It’s called Nature-Deficit Disorder a phrase coined by researcher Richard Louv. NDD is the human cost of alienation from nature. I learned about this listening to CBC and it struck me like a bolt of lightning. One of the many reasons that people are feeling so disconnected from themselves is the lack of time spent in nature. I see it again and again with leaders that I coach. When I ask them about their ideal day or what they are craving to do that would be renewing they all say – be in nature…by the water, walking in forests, climbing a mountain peak.

Richard Louv states in his book The Nature Principle. “The future will belong to the nature-smart – those individuals, families, businesses and political leaders who develop a deeper understanding of the transformative power of the natural world and who balances the virtual with the real. The more high-tech we become, the more nature we need.”

Studies show that without regular immersion in nature, we can suffer from physical and emotional distress, including anxiety, depression and obesity. While the research is focused primarily on children, I wholly believe that this is a human challenge that is significantly impacting leaders and organizations.

When coaching leaders, part of the task is to help them find their centre where they can be most aligned, grounded and confident. I work with them on different ways that they can get new perspective and how to expand their thinking about self and their role. This often leads to some form of finding their way into nature – be it daily, weekly or monthly. One client takes a New Moon Retreat where she takes herself into nature for a day to vision, reflect, and renew. Others rediscover a long lost childhood activity like riding a bike so they can feel the freedom of movement and wind in their hair as they explore. For others, it’s the simplicity of taking a walk at lunch.

There have been times where I’ve taken clients on guided nature experiences like a walk in the woods or a trip to the beach. We use the natural elements as metaphors for their experience and to help them envision their future. I see them soften and relax in nature. As they do so they uncover something deeper and more powerful than if we were sitting in the concrete jungle that is their office. They come alive and more creative in nature.

To be whole and integrated in your leadership, here are a few suggestions to try. All will wake up your senses and provide quiet time for renewal – the magical ingredient that helps ground people and sustain more vibrant leadership.

1. Take 10 minutes each day to just be outside.

2. Take off your shoes and walk in the grass, sand, mud or puddles. This is an especially good way of shifting energy and letting go of tension.

3. Walk in the forest. Don’t just look at the trees and grasses, touch them – feel their texture.

4. Start your day in nature – a quiet coffee on your deck, a walk or jog.

5. Walk to work.

6. Watch a sun rise or sunset. Settle in for the magic of the whole experience.

7. Go outside, close your eyes and breathe deeply. Enjoy using your senses of smell, hearing and touch instead of relying on visual cues.

I invite readers to share their tip for using nature as a place of renewal. My hope is that this will spark some awareness about the importance of going back to nature. It’s an essential source for leadership success.

Twenty one years ago to this day I became a Mom for the first time. Our son Ryan Frood Hawke was born prematurely at 29 weeks. He has forever changed my life. Today he is my greatest mentor and guide. His life of five weeks was short and yet powerful in many ways. His life and death caused a major shift in my life that woke me up to my calling and the work I do today. I am abundantly thankful for the imprint that Ryan has left on me. I try daily to live the lessons I learned from him.

Twenty one in person years represents a new stage of maturity. It’s a transition time to independence; to a new level of maturity and freedom. That’s what I’m reflecting on today – the new stage of maturity that I am standing in as a mother.

Ryan brought me into motherhood. Since then Shannon and Jason have nurtured me and taught me through the journey as we have grown up together. I’ve learned that parenting is an elegant dance of sharing and loving, giving and taking, certainty and uncertainty, simplicity and complexity. Parenting is a deep, binding connection. It is a role of limitless possibilities and infinite creativity. It requires a commitment to continuous learning, discovery and flexibility.

As a 21-year old Mom, I know that Ryan’s legacy is about living whole-heartedly. Ryan’s purpose was to help me open up to the magic and mysteries of loving with no boundaries and being vulnerable. Through that I have been willing and able to more openly share my heart.

Thankfully I learned early that it’s not my role as Mom to control the journey but rather to be with as each of my children has taken their first breath and with Ryan his last. Each new step, new school year, new passion and strength discovered, each new stage of independence achieved – all I have really needed to do was to just be present.

So turning 21 as a Mom brings me to a state of ease. I now realize that I know enough for this important role. Ryan, Shannon and Jason each have abundant wisdom about what their path is and I just get to be a partner with them in their own discovery and experience. I’ve learned to trust my instincts and to respect theirs. I’ve learned to be patient and to be open to discoveries. Humbly I’ve had to learn that I do not have all the answers and despite my intention to be loving and caring can be annoying sometimes.

On the day that Peter and I got married, these words from 1st Corinthians 13 were read. Today they have special meaning as I also reflect on the deep love I have come to know as a mother.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

I occupy many roles in life. However, the role of Mom is definitively and deliciously the one I hold most dear. Thank you Ryan for anointing me as your mother 21 years ago today. Thank you Shannon for helping me be courageous enough to love wholeheartedly again. Thank you Jason for showing me the fun, joy and ease of mothering. Endless thanks to Peter, my husband, who has been my partner in parenting these last 21 years. Without him, I would have been lost along the way. We make amazing kids together.

I won’t say I’m all grown up but I am certainly feeling a new sense of maturity as a Mom today. Here’s to the continuing journey.

I’ve been noticing a trend lately with a lot of my clients; especially those assuming new levels of responsibility or wanting to shift to working at a more strategic level. They have a really, REALLY hard time delegating. This is clearly a leader’s edge.

As I’ve worked with them I’ve noticed a few common themes and beliefs that are barriers to delegation.
1. They all value excellence in performance; they have high standards of themselves and others
2. They pride themselves in deliverying quality outcomes…consistently
3. They don’t want to overburden colleagues or direct reports who are overwhelmed
4. They develop mastery by hands on application so it’s hard to let go of tasks that they are good at and enjoy
5. They find it hard to ask people to do things that they are capable of doing
6. They find it hard to trust others especially when their credibility is on the line

So, it seems the odds are stacked really high against delegating. The result: a leader who is overwhelmed as they are taking on new responsibilities. An unintended result is employees who are neither fully empowered nor able to maximize their skills.

To help these clients shift their perspective and get unstuck, we’ve developed a few key steps together on how they can learn to delegate and be comfortable doing so.

First we talk about what it will take for the leader to trust the staff they are delegating to. This is often a revealing and challenging conversation as it becomes clear that the barrier to delegation is not the capabilities of others but rather their own fears of letting go. Once we identify factors that will help create trust in the delegation equation, we use that for the following stepped process.

1. Have a well designed conversation with the person you will be delegating to. The purpose is to create good mutual understanding and agreements to assure that the project will achieve its goals. This process is called Designing the Alliance so that both parties have a clear understanding of how the process will unfold. Both parties should declare what they need to be successful and how they will communicate through the project.

2. Make sure the staff person is willing to own the goals and be accountable for the outcomes. Sample design questions are:
To really own this project, what do you need?
To be comfortable with the accountability for this project, what do you need?

3. Ask the staff person to develop a work plan and present it to you. Upon review, affirm elements that you are comfortable with. Offer additional suggestions to assure that your expectations are also met. Use this as a teaching process and share your experience in similar situations.

4. Agree on how you will receive updates on the project including frequency and method. Talk about why these updates are important i.e. your need to be on top of project status in case others ask about it.

5. Design how you will support the staff person so he/she is fully empowered.
To be successful, what supports do you need from me through the process?
I am always available as a resource. How do you want to handle asking me for help?

6. Discuss how the staff person will handle things if the project goes off target or they experience unanticipated challenges. Make sure you are clear on your needs in those situations i.e. agreement about no surprises or request proactive communication.
What will you do if the project is not on target or achieving goals? How will you inform me?

7. At the end of the project assignment close the loop. This is really important for both you and the staff person. Celebrate success and process the learning together.
What worked well?
What could have been different?
What did we learn about delegation?
What should we do differently next time?

I have huge compassion for leaders learning the art of delegation. Having a structured and intentional process for designing delegation agreements is a first and important step to feeling more confident in releasing responsibility and accountability to others. With each success, it becomes easier to delegate and do so successfully.

I hope these tips will help you in your leadership journey. If you have any other delegation tips, please comment so others can benefit from your experience.

In life and leadership it’s essential to be clear on your values and beliefs as well as your own life vision and goals. Without that clarity, your life will be a series of reactions to the needs, wants, ideas and goals of others.

“If you do not know what your values and priorities are, someone else will determine them for you.”
Judy Suiter, CEO of Competitive Edge Inc.

Clarity of vision and values provide a powerful force to living a life of intention and fulfillment. Success is easier to achieve when you can move towards your preferred life and future with focus. It’s easier to know what to say YES to.

However, another important advantage of clarity and yet rarely talked about is the ability to get really strategic about when to say NO. I’ve witnessed so many people committed to being successful and growing their careers. Same with teams and organizations, they want to provide the best service to their customers and clientele. Yet their desire to please others can cause them to lose focus and not stay in alignment with what is important to them personally or as an organization.

The art of Strategic No’s involves the following:

1. Have a clear mission, purpose and plan. Know what you are moving towards.
2. When new opportunities are presented, take a pause and reflect. What is the impact of saying YES or NO? Consider everything within the context of your vision, goals, values and beliefs. You have the right and responsibility to consider your own needs.
3. Consider your options so there are no regrets 10 months or 10 years from now.
4. Do a gut check – listen to your intuition.
5. When saying NO, be confident and clear so there are no assumptions. You are the manager of your own message and brand so clarity is key.
6. Appreciate the offer and opportunity and indicate that you are still open to the relationship and other opportunities.

Sometimes saying NO is essential so you are not distracted by your true calling. Sometimes NO is the courageous thing to do to make sure that you live your life by design versus trying to please others. Sometimes saying NO helps others understand where you stand and even better opportunities, collaborations or ideas emerge.

Just yesterday I was working with a client. He was reflecting on the fact that he had just said no to an international posting because it wasn’t in alignment with his family’s desire to stay close to family. When saying NO he stated why with confidence and clarity. Guess what? His employer came back with a different offer. They are crafting the role a different way so he can be part of that team. The NO that he thought might have been a career limiting move has become the exact next stage role he’d been hoping for.

Strategic No’s require courage and practice. If this is a skill and discipline you’d like to develop, let me know.

Recently I worked with a client who shared that life was great. He is maximizing his strengths, he’s living in alignment with his values, he’s passionate about his work, loves his colleagues and the stimulating work environment he’s blessed to be part of. Yes, he’s working hard and long hours but it’s gratifying on so many levels. So, he pondered why engage in coaching when everything is good. Such a great question.

Let’s bust a myth about coaching. Coaching isn’t just about addressing limitations or challenges. In fact, its way more powerful when focused on developing and amplifying the good in people’s lives, helping them move forward to achieve their greatest purpose in work and life.

Coaching is all about people pausing, reflecting and getting conscious and intentional about goals, direction…heck life in general. It’s also about taking intentions into action and achieving results that create fulfillment. As we all know, life is one big, continuous learning journey. Along the way, it’s essential to pause, reflect, recalibrate and go again. We humans don’t do that enough.

In this case, this is a client that I coached a few years ago. Since then, he’s taken on a new role and added on lots of responsibility. We decided to do some “refreshment coaching”. The first benefit of this type of coaching engagement is to celebrate a life being lived with great intention and according to a well crafted personal plan. Already, by pausing to reflect he’s taking time to appreciate both his own intentional efforts and the many gifts present in his current life circumstance. Just that is an energy boost and a motivation to move forward with even greater intention.

The other focus of our work is to assure that all these good things are sustained. It’s a crazy truth, but sometimes when everything is all good, people go a little soft on themselves and maybe get a bit lazy or unfocused. Therefore, through coaching we are setting some new intentions to maximize current strengths.

The other opportunity we are exploring is to update his bigger life goals. The last few years have presented him with a few unexpected opportunities that have opened his eyes to new possibilities. Instead of just moving towards the “old” vision and goals, he’s updating his vision and creating a new map on how to get there.

So, why is refreshment coaching so powerful?

1. Creates an opportunity to celebrate success and savour efforts
2. Helps sustain what’s working well and assure continued focus on current strengths
3. Provides a perfect time and space to dream bigger and bolder and invest positive energy towards the next stage of professional and personal plan.

As a coach of extraordinary leaders, I can’t tell you how gratifying it is to be invited back into their life to help them celebrate, sustain and dream ever bigger.

If you feel the need for a little refreshment and renewal, call or email. I’ll be there in a second!

Half the challenge of communication is that it’s not clear what people want or need from a conversation. Part of communication clarity is being able to ask for what you need. How often have you experienced someone venting to you about a challenge? Don’t you find that your natural instinct is to jump in and try and fix their problem? That’s not always what they need. Sometimes it’s the simple act of listening is all that’s needed.

The more we work with leaders and their teams who are not aligned or who are experiencing communication breakdowns the more that we are teaching a fundamentality simple lesson. Ask people to define what they need from conversations with a peer, leader or colleague. Here are a few simple steps.

1. Clarify the topic.
2. Declare if it’s a venting conversation and that you just need to be listened to or if you need help processing ideas and creating a solution.
3. If it’s to vent or process thoughts underscore that you just need to release frustration or brainstorm so that you can move on or hear yourself think. This will make sure that the other person can effectively listen and offer support without feeling the need to fix.
4. If you need a fix (i.e. help processing ideas or creating solutions) design with the other person the best way to do that i.e. let’s brainstorm some ideas or help me unfold what you are hearing and point me to some options I’m not seeing.
5. Thank the person for processing with you. Your ability to say what you are taking away from the conversation helps reinforce the power of constructive and effective communication for both of you.
6. Take action so that you shift your awareness towards creating resolution or implementing new ideas. Remember talk with no action means no change.

Learning how to have mutually effective conversations especially related to hot topics or hard issues is a signature of respect and is foundational to healthy relationships. It’s so simple – be clear about what you need and ask for it. Don’t expect others to be mind readers!

Dedication

This post is dedicated to my husband Peter Hawke. He taught me about the importance of declaring what I need from him when we communicate. One day he said, “I’m a guy. If you come to me with a problem I’m going to fix it. However, I think that most of time you really just want me to listen. It helps if you tell me if it’s a fix it or listen conversation.” Such wisdom and it really does help when I declare what I need before starting. He’s always been a brilliant fixer and is an equally good listener.

I haven’t met a person yet who doesn’t love to receive acknowledgement, thanks or appreciation. So if that is true, why is it so difficult to do? How often do you quietly, internally think positive thoughts about a colleague, friend or family member and yet hesitate saying something My hunch is a lot.

We humans are masters of assumptions. We assume that those we value intuitively know that we think highly of them and appreciate their efforts. Because of the work that I do as a coach, I have come to realize that the art of appreciation is a huge skill to cultivate in leaders. And yet, it’s not just a leader’s job to do. We all need to and can develop this basic life skill. The result will be strong, respectful relationships. Appreciation goes a long way to create positivity in the face of challenge. It’s also the glue that holds relationships together. When people feel connected, they will be more likely to provide support, go the extra mile, be more flexible, and ultimately be more creative.

If all that is true, what will it take to start saying what we appreciate and value about each other instead of just thinking it? It’s just simple practice. If you think it tell someone. You’ll be delighted by the response.

Here’s a really simple process to help you along the way.

Notice your positive thought.

Get the attention of the person you want to appreciate. Tell them in person if you can. If not, via email or phone is good too. Do it in the moment…don’t wait for some day.

Say “I appreciate that (insert the specific behaviour or action)…It made me feel (insert your feeling/response)…”

Conclude by saying “I just wanted to thank you.”This is wildly basic and easy to do. And yet, people seem to have edges and barriers to doing this simple act. I suspect it’s because they don’t have a lot of practice giving positive feedback and acknowledgement. For some, it’s emotional or vulnerable to appreciate another person. Speaking from the heart can be edgy. If so, this simple art of appreciation is a low risk way of sharing feelings.

I believe that the world would be a better place if we all cultivated our ability to share our positive thoughts about people more openly. A kinder, gentler and more tolerant world would result. For the sake of that, I challenge you to appreciate 10 people in your life in the next 24 hours. Share your appreciations out loud and see what happens.

PS. For those on the receiving end of an acknowledgement, your only job is to say “Thank You”. Soak it in and cherish it. That’s proper manners when receiving any gift.

Today is an official snow day; the second in a row. As I peer outside, our world has transformed to a fluffy white winter wonderland of over 40 cm of snow. The official institutions of the world – schools, universities, city services – have declared themselves closed. So, our world is slowing down. We are staying close to home. We are having moments of stillness. Not by choice and yet it’s a delectable indulgence. I’ve always loved snow storms as they do seem to mute the world. Everything gets quiet, calm and peaceful.

This sense of quiet and stillness is so needed in the world. A forced day off helps us reconnect with the simplicity of just being. It’s funny how uncomfortable people can be with stillness and quiet or forced solitude. Yet it’s in these experiences that we can create some of the loveliest moments of our lives.

As a coach of high performing leaders, I often encourage them to take at least one day a month where they slow down, go quiet and be still. It’s a hard request for many. However, those that make a commitment to this practice see a renewal of energy, a reconnection to their vision and a boost of creativity and inspiration. So, in future, I’ll remember that for any resisters to this notion of stillness and quiet, I’ll just invoke a snow day and let them discover the pleasures from there.

Snow angels anyone?

“Passion is an emotion applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion, compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something. The term is also often applied to a lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love. Passion can be expressed as a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or compelling emotion towards a subject, idea, person, or object. A person is said to have a passion for something when he has a strong positive affinity for it. A love for something and a passion for something are often used synonymously.” Wikipedia

Today I was working with a client and we started talking about passions. As someone who loves clarity and structure, he wanted some way to be able to determine what he is passionate about. It was a great opportunity to identify indicators of when a passion is present. Together, we came up with this check list that helps identify when something is a passion. He’s using it for the sake of increasing his understanding and awareness of passions. I hope you can play with it for your own discovery too.

Indicators of when something is a passion:

• It’s easy and enjoyable
• It is energizing; you can keep doing it for a long time
• It feels right and authentic
• It creates a sense of confidence
• It creates pride and a deep sense of commitment
• It connects you to your spirit and creativity
• You talk about it with enthusiasm
• It’s epic; feels big and meaningful
• It creates a positive mood, tone and environment
• It creates a sense of connection – with self and others

Use this as a check list and scan your day, your week or month. Think of what you’ve done and consider the activities, situations and people where you felt the above indicators. Hopefully this will bring some awareness of what you are passionate about. Once you know your passions, invest time and energy in amplifying them and integrating them into everything you do.